A Moment of Panic

I suffered a momentary moment of panic this morning. It was just a brief moment however, more from shock I think, but I quickly realized this was something I expected and was looking forward to!

I stepped on the scale this morning to see what I weighed as I do first thing every morning since I had my weight loss surgery September 1st of last year. I looked down and for the first time I can ever remember in my life, the number did not start with a 2 or a 3!

My first thought was “Oh my God! What has happened?”. All through my childhood, and even into adulthood I was known for being big and bulky. To see all the sudden that my weight was not starting with a 2 or a 3, the first thought that occurred to me is “I am no longer who I am supposed to be.” Even though I had been waiting for it to happen for a while now it still hit me as if it could not be right. Something had to be wrong with the scale!

I quickly realized this was a good thing. And that I had changed from that person I had been known as for most of my life a long time ago. It’s a good change – it will allow me to live longer, be healthier, more active, and those are all reasons I wanted to have the surgery.

It’s just another example of some of the mental aspects of the surgery that I don’t think anyone realizes going into the surgery they are going to come across. Whether it’s learning how little you can eat, going to a favorite restaurant and only being able to eat what feels like 2-3 bites of your favorite dish, looking at pictures of yourself from before the surgery, or simply being in sudden shock at what the scale says even though you were looking forward to that. It all takes a moment or two to register in your new self image.

 An even more crazy thing is that according to BMI calculators, I am STILL considered overweight until I lose another 10 pounds! It seems hard for me to believe where I am and from where I have come that I have lost as much as I have. And even more hard to believe how much overweight I was previously when I realize I am still considered overweight now based on the BMI calculations.

That being said, I love my new self!! If I had the decision to do over again I would make the same decision every time.

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