I’ve often found myself wondering what do people mean when they say God lead them to make a decision. Or God told them to do such and such.
Is it a physical voice that plays in their head? And if so how is that voice different from the people in the white jackets and padded rooms? Obviously if it’s something crazy like carve your neighbor into pieces because he is the devil then that’s not from God. But if it’s not something as wild and crazy as that, how would you know? Is it just a thought that randomly pops into your head? If so does that mean if you think about winning the lottery that is God telling you to play the lottery? Is it via dreams you have while you sleep?
That’s not to say that I don’t feel God has ever impacted me. If I have a question about a decision or need to know how to proceed I often pray. After praying I eventually come to a decision I feel comfortable with and at peace with. That is how I feel God speaking to me.
Recently though I have began to wonder if maybe I had missed some times when God was trying to communicate with me. One night last week I woke out of a dead sleep at 3am to be wide awake. Not because I was warm, or a noise woke me, or because Katie was waking me. I was just wide awake with what seemed like a crazy idea running through my head. I was instantly thinking I should be preaching in front of my church. Not as a permanent pastor, just on occasion. I was awake for an hour wondering what I would talk about and why would I want to do something like this.
Now anyone who knows me knows I am not a talkative person. My mother in law came to see a play I was in as part of a community theater group and remarked how that was the most she had ever heard me speak. My own mother agreed with her. People have remarked how Robyn should record conversations with me so they can hear me speak. Even Robyn used to complain about my lack of talking to her. I think now she has just gotten used to it because she doesn’t complain about it any more. I’m just a quiet person. If I have something to say I will say it. But most the time I don’t feel like I have much worth saying that other people will find useful or want to hear.
Fast forward to last night. I had a crazy dream, again about being in front of the church talking to them. I can’t tell you what I was talking about. But I could see specific members of the church so I know it was the church I attend. Surely it’s not coincidence that out of nowhere this occurs in a space of about a week. It’s also strange in that I am not someone who usually remembers dreams. Sometimes I may vaguely remember I had a dream when I first wake but it’s rare I can remember enough of it to know what it was about or retell it.
This got me to thinking that maybe God attempts to communicate with me in many ways and I just spend so much time trying to reason why the idea is crazy or should be something I should not do that I miss the fact it’s God trying to point me in a direction. I know I like to think things through and try to use logic and reason in order to justify doing something. Sometimes the reason for not doing something is just because it’s not the comfortable thing to do. But is that really a valid reason?
Maybe it just comes down to each individual and what they personally best respond to. Or maybe it is about where they are in their journey with God. Or maybe I just had two similar ideas come to me in the middle of the night and it means nothing.